


Growing Up

by katrinawritesthings



Series: Hello Baby Au [1]
Category: SHINee
Genre: Brotp, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-03-03 23:15:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13351533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katrinawritesthings/pseuds/katrinawritesthings
Summary: me: high kicks into 2018 with a fic set in 2010hello baby auwhere taem just has a giant crush on jonghyun the whole time they’re filming and it causes him StressWhile he’s still being grumpy, Jonghyun’s breath turns into a little laugh, a little mumble about how cute Yoogeun is. Taemin huffs, pulling away from him if he’s gonna be a traitor to the sleepy cause.tumblri also made a post on my tumblr about my masterlists+schedule+new year updates





	1. Chapter 1

**Episode One  
** A lot is happening right now.

Well, kind of. The bus ride here took a while, and they all had their little talk outside before they went in, but still.They were basically kidnapped from their manager, they’re in an unfamiliar place, they’re supposed to all be taking care of a real life human child soon, on camera, and Taemin is flustered. Like, that’s not small news. It is very very big news. Kibum is reading all of the fan comments about their upcoming challenge and Taemin is cold, excited, restless, and nervous, and the hiccup escapes his lips without permission.

As, really, all hiccups do.

Still, the second one gets him a warning, and the  _third_  one.

The third one gets him Jonghyun pointing at him immediately, Jonghyun saying his name, and Jonghyun grabbing him and tugging him close to hold him in place in front of the camera. He’s made to explain himself, which he does very poorly; he decides right now in this moment that he suddenly hates the old “hiccups mean dirty thoughts” superstition. He’s put into the corner to calm down and he presses his forehead against the wall, giggly but still blushing at the accusatory grip of Jonghyun’s hand around his wrist.

Later, when they’re all playing rock paper scissors to decide who has to go clean up outside and who gets to stay inside, Taemin is the first to win, and he backs up out of the group with a pleased little grin, but then--

“You go sweep outside,” Jinki says, and Jonghyun repeats it immediately after, and then the other two as well, and this isn’t fair at all. Taemin tries to protest but the others are already playing the second round to see who will join him.

It’s Jonghyun, and he looks dead on the inside as he steps away from the group as well.

“No, come on, this is wrong,” Taemin says, but Jonghyun talks over him and tugs him outside with him. Taemin sighs, feels like it’s extra not fair that Jonghyun is only going along with this because he’s ashamed that his own rule change backfired on him. They could be warm and cozy inside right now instead of cold and shivery outside.

Jonghyun starts a snow fight with him almost immediately, though, and as Taemin ducks and laughs and advances on him with a full shovel of snow, he can’t say that he’s as disappointed as he could be.

 

**Episode Two  
** “Taemin. Taemin.”

“Hmm?”

“Taemin.” Jonghyun is close when Taemin turns to him, bent over Yoogeun’s chair. His hand was firm on Taemin’s arm but now it’s making little grabby motions as he speaks. “Do you wanna, like, combine our two presents?” he asks lowly. Taemin grins, amazed at how he even has the nerve to ask for that.

“No, it’s okay,” he says, patting Jonghyun’s hip and turning back to their small bean child. He spent good money on this little play laptop and he’s not gonna let Jonghyun mooch off of his popularity just because all he brought was a table. He’s still kind of bitter about how Jonghyun rubbed his last place spot in his face last night, to be honest. Something about  _Jonghyun_  looking _down_  on him so much made it feel extra humiliating.

“You can play on the floor then,” Jonghyun says, and before Taemin can even point Yoogeun to something on the screen Jonghyun is picking up his cute laptop and setting it on the floor. Taemin laughs into his hand but also slides over to it, sure that the kid will still like it no matter where it is.

‘Yoogeunie, look,” he says, turning the laptop a fraction. Yoogeun looks; honestly, he’s _been_  looking since Jonghyun moved it. Taemin watches him turn halfway in his chair before Jonghyun picks up his laptop and sets it back up on the table.

“Yoogeun, you wanna use the desk right?” he asks, and not half a second after the kid agrees does Jonghyun extend his hand out to Taemin again. He’s so fucking cheap, and that is extremely fucking cheating, but as Taemin reaches out to accept his firm handshake, he can’t make himself be anything other than amused.

 

**Episode Three  
** “I can't do it like this,” Taemin announces. He puts his half peeled apple down and stands up. He thought he was doing an okay job for his first time but the other two are giving him shit and making him feel inadequate. He’s just gonna do it the easy way. “I’m gonna go get a potato peeler,” he mumbles, shuffling his way into the kitchen.

Jonghyun and Jinki are in there making their own food, and they’re also trying to kick Taemin out almost as soon as he steps inside. He smiles against Jonghyun’s pushing hands, waving them away and standing his ground. He’s not trying to spy on them or anything.

“Wait, wait,” he says. “I just came in here to borrow something.”

“Borrow what?” Jonghyun asks.

“A potato peeler,” Taemin says, miming with his hands.

“We don’t have one,” both Jonghyun and Jinki say, and they gently push Taemin towards the door again. Taemin loses his footing and saves his fall by kind of just sitting on the floor. His composure doesn’t do so well because he’s a little dazed by all the things that are happening so quickly. He’s not good with things happening quickly. After a few seconds of sitting there and gathering himself up internally he tries sitting up again, but Jonghyun’s hands halfheartedly push him back down.

“Alright look,” Jonghyun says when he finally lets Taemin stand, and Taemin smothers a laugh in his hand because he’s trying to be all intimidating or whatever. “We can’t just give you it so easily,” he says. “Show us a personal talent.”

“I can do a duck noise,” Taemin says automatically. That’s totally a personal talent. Jinki does it all the time and everything. Taemin has been saving his own version of it up for a while now to use on the next reality show, but doing it here is fine too. His is even _better_ than Jinki’s, and he tells this to the room confidently. Jonghyun’s brows raise in expectation and Taemin lifts his hands up to start. He’s determined to impress Jonghyun with this. He can do this.

He does his thing, blows into his fist and shakes his head and directs the sound with his other hand and honestly, it sounds pretty dang good to him. He lowers his hands and grins hopefully; Jonghyun laughs, and his smile grows, but then both of them kick him out again anyway. Jinki escorts him out with his own original duck noise and Taemin laughs loudly, giggles bubbling out of his chest as he’s pushed away. Holy shit. Jinki is so good.

“Come back after you’ve practised your talent,” Jonghyun calls as Jinki closes the door on him. Taemin runs his fingers through his hair and just stands there for a moment, getting most of his giggles out of him, before he turns around and walks right back inside. Jonghyun notices him immediately. “Taemin, did you prepare a talent for us?” he asks, and Taemin fights down another laugh. This is so unnecessary. He scans the room quickly, looking for something that he can just do in a second and get over with. His eyes land on a pan on the stove and he points at it.

“I can flip that egg,” he says, stepping up between them.

“What, really? Do it,” Jonghyun says immediately. Taemin grins in victory. Nice. He takes the pan and flips the egg four times.

What happens next is a lot of impressed noises from Jonghyun and a lot of yelling from Jinki; as Jinki is being fake angry at him and pushing him to a giggly mess on his knees, Jonghyun appears and presses a potato peeler into his hand with the brightest, most amused eyes Taemin has seen on him all day.

He royally fucked up Jinki’s egg, but he got Jonghyun’s approval and the peeler and that’s all he was looking for.

 

**Episode Four  
** The smug, overpowering sense of pride and confidence that fills Taemin up when he steps into the barbershop is such a good feeling. Jonghyun immediately makes many excited noises and Jinki wraps him up in a relieved hug and it’s great to feel so needed. They explain the problem and he grins because he has just the things to help. He pulls out his little bag of tips and toys to help Yoogeun chill, painstakingly researched with a few minutes on google the other night.

In less than a minute Jonghyun and Jinki are agreeing that he’s totally useful. He laughs, accepting the praise a little bashfully but also waving it off like it’s nothing. He has more tricks up his sleeve. He’s such a good dad.

Ten minutes later, everything has gone downhill.

HIs sunglasses didn’t work, his crinkly plastic bag was a waste of energy, and Jonghyun’s face when he whispers  _“Taemin, you should have bought a bubble gun that works,”_  is enough to make him feel crushing disappointment in his soul.

But, still, even Minho couldn’t make Yoogeun cut his hair, and Taemin is the one that Jonghyun chose to nap next to later, so whatever. He can’t fail at an impossible mission and Jonghyun wasn’t annoyed enough at him to give up some sweet sleepy snuggles. He’s still killing this dad thing even in his sleep.

And by sleep, he means his short doze is cut harshly short by a tiny, tiny child voice shouting for him to wake up.

Which he does, immediately, shooting up into a surprised sitting position; when he realizes what’s going on, he groans and flops back down. Yoogeun is cute but he doesn’t deserve this.

Jonghyun turns to him with a grumpy little noise and Taemin latches on immediately, slinging his arm over his shoulder. They can be sleepy and groggy together. Taemin knows that Jonghyun can’t have gotten more than a few minutes anyway, what with his insomnia and everything. He holds him close, enjoying their little moment of bonding.

While he’s still being grumpy, Jonghyun’s breath turns into a little laugh, a little mumble about how cute Yoogeun is. Taemin huffs, pulling away from him if he’s gonna be a traitor to the sleepy cause. Yoogeun is adorable but he’s gonna latch onto every moment he can get.

Which turns out to be like, almost a whole minute, which isn’t that bad. He keeps his eyes closed against Minho saying hi, and against Jonghyun sleepily mumbling little hellos, but when Jonghyun practically launches the kid at him, he admits defeat with a tired laugh. Alright. Fine. He’ll love their little bean child. Not exactly a punishment. He gets a kiss and a hug, feels warm in his soul, and then hoists Yoogeun off to wake Jinki up.

In the time it takes him to do that, Minho grows impatient, which isn’t surprising at all. As soon as Jinki curls up into a flustered yet awake ball under his blankets, Minho scoops Yoogeun up to play and hogs the little goober all to himself for so long that Jonghyun comes up with a clever plan to get attention again. He wiggles up to Taemin laid out as he is on his back, resting his arm delicately over his chest and smiling against his shoulder.

“Tell Yoogeunie to come wake me up again,” he whispers, closing his eyes with a little smile. Taemin snorts, shakes his head, tugs Jonghyun’s arm closer to use as a pillow. He’s warm and soft, at least, even if everything he does makes Taemin shake his head in tired amusement. Taemin just watches Minho playing with Yoogeun for a moment until Jonghyun gets impatient and lightly squeezes his chest. It makes his breath hitch.

“Yoogeun,” he calls. “Jonghyun fell asleep again,” he says, pointing. “Come wake him up.” Minho gasps softly and flops to his stomach, letting Yoogeun toddle over to wake up Jonghyun. The kid screams, like, directly in front of Taemin’s face, but that was kind of expected, to be honest. Taemin is thankfully awake enough by now so that it was mostly cute.

Even with that Jonghyun keeps his eyes shut, a pleasant little smile on his lips, an obviously fake snore fluttering over the skin of Taemin’s neck. Yoogeun pats Jonghyun’s arm with his tiny little hand and says his name again. Jonghyun still stays silent, nothing but his amused breaths floating over Taemin’s neck, making his skin shiver and his heart thud--

“Kiss him, kiss him,” Taemin says quickly, sitting up and pointing Yoogeun closer to Jonghyun. He watches the two playing and laughs along, filing the tingles he got from Jonghyun’s smile away as his sleepy mind being extra sensitive to everything so early in the morning.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taemin has a problem, and that problem is Jonghyun.  
> [tumblr](http://katrinawritesthings.tumblr.com/post/169891724032/jonghyuntaemin-growing-up-part-23-pg)

**Episode Five  
** Jonghyun isn’t as good at this narration thing as Jinki is. He’s not as good at improv and half of his jokes he stole from Jinki. He’s not too good at acting, either, but that was something that they all already knew. Still, though, he’s having a fun time, and he’s cute, and it’s not like he’s doing  _bad_. He helped Taemin fix up his outfit during a quick break and everything, his hands warm on Taemin’s skin and his fond voice warmer in his ears as he chastised Taemin for being sloppy. He’s a bad actor, not a bad coworker. Taemin is enjoying messing around with him as much as everyone else.

Even more than with everyone else, honestly; Jonghyun is silly and bouncy and just  _fun_  to be with today. He was fun when he was introducing them all, he was fun and warm–very blessedly warm in the cold of the air–when he was tugging Taemin around the yard under Jinki’s instructions, fun when he whined at Jinki for more lines, fun when he helped Taemin fix up his outfit during the break, fun when he got all flustered going back and forth at the end of the third scene, and fun now as he sits neatly next to the narration drum and does his best.

None of what he’s saying makes any sense–in what he tells them to do and in how he mixes up his words–but Taemin still likes following his orders. He wants to make this work out for Jonghyun and he wants Jonghyun to feel good about himself. He can’t let this part of the play bomb. He doesn’t know exactly why, but he enjoys every wide smile that his actions pull onto Jonghyun’s face. He enjoys being a part of, being the  _cause_ of, Jonghyun’s peppy mood. His jokes might be bad but the way he giggles when Taemin does them anyway is enough incentive for Taemin to keep playing along.

“Mongryong… comes flying in,” Jonghyun says, smiling a challenge directly at Minho’s serious actor face, and Taemin can’t even begin to stop the laugh that comes out of him. He keeps giggling as Jonghyun repeats it, more confident this time, and Taemin has to agree. That’s funny, yeah, especially when Minho whines about that being unrealistic like any part of this shitshow has made any sense since they started.

**Episode Six  
** “Don’t just look for toys that you want,” Taemin hears someone say for the millionth time. It doesn’t matter who said it, or who it was directed to; out of the five of them, each time it’s said at least two of them take their hands away from a toy in shame. It’s kind of funny, actually, how easily they get distracted by toys for four year olds. Taemin would think they would at least get distracted by toys for, like, adults, or teenagers, but no. He thinks all this little shopping trip has proven to him is that you’re never too old to like things even if a little number on a box says that you are.

Still, scolds or no, this is fun, looking through all of the toys laid out and trying to figure out which one would be best for Yoogeun. Obviously they need something Power Rangers themed, but even with that specification there’s still so many. Minho has his heart set on a toy gun and knife and Kibum is desperately trying to change his mind to something less violent. Jonghyun is looking over toys that he wants to get for himself and Jinki is with him, doing the same but adding too many puns into the things that he’s saying. Taemin is struggling to fit the straps of a tiny backpack made for a tiny person onto his own not tiny shoulders.

This is fun, he thinks, but a bit too crowded. Even without all of the cameras and crew surrounding them, he feels like a shopping trip with all five of them would be a bit much. Being here with just one of the other members would be a fun way to relax, though.

Minho, maybe? He pauses for a moment to think, then shakes his head. Nah. Ever since they started getting ready for the RDD comeback he’s been way more confident and outspoken. It’s not a bad thing that he’s found himself, but Taemin just isn’t used to it yet and the smugness bothers him sometimes.

He passes over Kibum, too; he’s been shopping with Kibum before. It’s fun at first but Kibum just has way more stamina for this kind of stuff than Taemin does. There’s only so much time he can spend looking at things before he wants to go home and take a nap.

Jonghyun would be fun, honestly. He’s kind of a tool sometimes–sometimes Taemin thinks all of those comments from tv show hosts and fans about Jonghyun not acting manly enough have gotten to him in a bad kind of way–but when he’s not forcing himself to be a tough guy, he’s fun to hang out with. Taemin is never not laughing when he’s with Jonghyun.

He thinks Jinki might be fun too, but as soon as that enters his brain, he hears a pun drift over to him in Jinki’s voice from the other side of the shop. He sighs, rolls his eyes, shakes his head. Never mind that. He can only hear so many puns in one day. And Jinki needs more rest, anyway, since he’s already stealing naps during filmings with Yoogeun. He’s a growing boy who works too hard and tires himself out. Jinki would get more relaxation from staying at home and sleeping and Taemin isn’t going to be the one to ruin that for him by bugging him to come shopping.

That leaves Jonghyun as the winner, then. The more Taemin thinks about it, the more Taemin finds himself liking that outcome. He likes Jonghyun, yeah. He’s always fun to mess around with. His short, breathy laughs at his own jokes are particularly amusing. That, and the way he leans up really close when he’s trying to make a point or convince someone to agree with him. How his whole presence is so overwhelming, but not overbearing; he surrounds Taemin in a good way without trapping him.

And his little hands, all grabby and touchy when he’s excited or happy. Those are fun too. And how he’s always there to snuggle and sleep when Taemin is feeling cold or just lonely at night–his body warm next to Taemin’s, his arm comfortable under his head. And how he repeats Taemin’s name a lot when he wants attention, when he’s needy and pouty for validation and Taemin can’t do anything but smile and give him what he wants.

Taemin would give Jonghyun anything, honestly, if it meant making him smile.

Taemin blinks back into focus suddenly, looking around the shop. Oh. Right. Heck. He’s supposed to be looking for a present for their little bean child, not standing here and thinking about Jonghyun. He rubs his eyes, smiles as he hears Jonghyun’s voice mingling with the others, and heads over there to show them all the backpack he picked out.

 

**Episode Seven  
** Taemin has a problem, and that problem is Jonghyun.

Or, well, no. Yes–no? Yes. Fuck. Taemin doesn’t know. He can’t exactly think about it right now, when they’re busy encouraging their little nugget Yoogeunnie to play and learn. This is important dad business and he needs to focus.

It’s just that focusing on Yoogeun is hard when all he can seem to focus on is Jonghyun.

Not nonstop or anything; he can still do his work and perform and be a good dad. He just can’t spend too much or too little time with Jonghyun without thinking about him. It’s taken him a while to realize this–comeback fatigue is a hell of a battery drainer–but he has to admit to himself that yeah, he is spending a disproportionate amount of time thinking about Jonghyun.

He didn’t think much about last night, laying in bed and watching the bottom of Jonghyun’s bunk above him. Every so often Jonghyun would shift or move, the light from his phone illuminating the wall or ceiling as he checked it between dozes. Taemin spent the slow fifteen minutes between getting in bed and falling asleep thinking about how Jonghyun looked up there, all bundled up in blankies with his big eyes peeping out of the covers.

He thought about the blonde tips of Jonghyun’s hair, still crimped from their performance earlier because he hadn’t showered that night. He thought about his bare feet, about Jonghyun always whining about socks bothering him but also always whining about his feet being cold. He thought about Jonghyun’s restlessness, about how his insomnia never seems to hit highs or lows in its severity but always seems to be just a regular, constant, sleep-interrupting presence. He thought about the low swooping shirt Jonghyun put on before he got into bed and how it perfectly framed the soft little mole between his collarbones, a perfect spot to admire, a perfect place to nuzzle when they all fall asleep together.

But that’s normal. Those are normal friend things to think about your friend, who you enjoy spending time with and admire as an artist and are friends with.

What’s less normal, Taemin thinks, is how he’s been going out of his way to talk to Jonghyun lately, and how every time Jonghyun touches or talks to him it makes his chest feel light and golden. Like, there’s liking your friends and then there’s… whatever the fuck this is.

“Jonghyun, are you just reading a kids’ book on your own?”

See, like, what the fuck. Of course Jonghyun’s reading one of Yoogeun’s books. He’d been reading it for like, five minutes. It was cute and kind of funny but Taemin already knew and didn’t have to comment on it, but–

“Yeah, do you wanna read it? It’s fun,” Jonghyun tells him, turns glances at him with a little grin, moves to hold the book up so Taemin can see the page he’s on. Taemin smiles back as he shakes his head and has to look away and bite his lip to keep it from getting too big. He can’t fathom why he went out of his way to do that, to get Jonghyun to acknowledge him.

And a few minutes later, when they’re playing with the flashcards that he brought in to test Yoogeun’s vocabulary. He and Jonghyun reach for them at the same time, moving them around quickly with little giggles, and each time their hands brush makes Taemin’s chest feel lighter.

And, god, even before this, before he started thinking about it so much today, before they started really filming and were just messing around–something compelled him to clamber on top of Jonghyun as he lay on the floor, straddle his back, and pretend to give him a massage. Like, yeah, there’s messing around with his friends, and then there was the way he almost didn’t want to get off when they were done.

This is very distressing.

He feels like it wouldn’t be as bad if he could explain his emotions to himself. He’s not so good with the whole emotions and feelings thing; he’s not so good with anything that he can’t fit a neat little label and definition for. Both of them being problems at the same time is extremely unfortunate.

He’ll find some time for himself later, hopefully, and figure out what is going on with his brain and all of these emotions that he doesn’t know how to describe.

 

**Episode Eight  
** He describes them as a crush.

A hecking crush, which is distressing on its own, but excessively so when they’re all sitting in the main room coloring and Jonghyun is leaning up close, tapping Taemin’s wrist with his marker, so small and gentle in the way he demands attention. Taemin gives it to him, leans up close so Jonghyun can whisper into his ear, and restrains himself from shifting closer so Jonghyun’s lips can brush his skin.

“Who are you going to pick?” Jonghyun whispers once, and then again when Taemin leans closer to make sure he heard it right. And then he’s laughing incredulously at Jonghyun’s innocent little smile, because holy shit. Jinki barely left like half a minute ago to start the Best and Worst Dad voting and he’s already starting some lobby shit. Jonghyun points at himself encouragingly and Taemin just accepts, just says “okay,” because nothing in his brain seems to want him to deny Jonghyun anything.

“I shouldn’t be laughing,” Taemin grins, bringing his hand up to his lips to fix his smile. He really shouldn’t; it’s super obvious that Jonghyun just asked him to cheat and it also really shouldn’t have been that funny.

He plays with his bracelets on his arms, letting his giggles die out and trying to not look at Jonghyun’s sweet little smile for longer than he has to. His brain automatically thinks back to earlier that day when they were filming at that school and playing musical chairs and Jonghyun sat himself down in Taemin’s lap, small and warm and–god, fuck, this isn’t helping.

He never knew crushes made people so weak for and eager to touch and snuggle the object of their affection. He didn’t know romance fucked with people this much. He didn’t even know he was really into that age of feeling romantic emotions yet, but the seven quizzes he took on his phone at two in the morning last night confirmed that he fit almost all of the textbook signs of  a crush, and if the internet isn’t right then he doesn’t know what to trust.

Still, this seems like a serious design flaw in human evolution. He doesn’t know how people are supposed to function around romance if it makes them act like giggly assholes that crave touch all the time.

There’s also the apparent fact that he’s not even fucking straight, which is a whole nother issue on its own that he’s going to have to sit down and figure out at some point. He’s probably gonna have to go and talk to Heechul again and deal with his smug ass queer aunt face while he asks questions, and even that has to wait because the band is in fucking Taiwan right now.

When he feels like he has his emotions under control again, he jiggles his bracelets back down on his wrist and leans back on his hands. He glances at Jonghyun, at his pretty nose and soft lips, and suddenly wants attention. God.

“I wanna vote truthfully, though,” he hums, looking down and doing his very best to act like he’s just playful and teasing instead of, like, desperate for Jonghyun to notice him.

“Hey,” Jonghyun says sharply, and Taemin tries not to look up, he really does, but after a second he can’t resist. He glances up into Jonghyun’s huffy face and watches him smile tiny and point back and forth between them. Taemin suddenly remembers him doing the same thing months ago, trying to form some bullshit alliance to further Jonghyun’s own goals. And just like last time, he accepts with a laugh, helpless and all too accepting of Jonghyun’s overpowering smile.

After another few minutes of him trying not to be intensely obvious in trying to make conversation with Jonghyun, Jinki comes back so Taemin gets up to vote next. He was planning on voting for Jinki–all games and crushes aside that was his true, honest answer, because Jinki deserves a lot of good things–but Minho tells him that they can hear him thinking out loud and he panics and writes Jonghyun’s name instead.

When he comes back, he steps over Jonghyun’s legs, gets to his knees, slides himself between Jonghyun and Jinki, and promptly burns his elbow on the hardwood. He hisses and falls dramatically to his side, cradling his elbow and trying not to swear. Fuck fuck. He doesn’t deserve this.

And then an arm around his waist, Jonghyun’s arm, Jonghyun’s arm pulling him close so their bodies are flush together. Jonghyun curls up with him, one hand papping his tummy and the other around his shoulder in comfort. It’s comforting and familiar and not any level of contact that Taemin hasn’t experienced before but fuck does it set his heart thudding in his chest. He wiggles back to lie on his stomach quickly, turning to tell Jonghyun “thanks” and almost melting at the sight of his soft, amused smile so close.

This is definitely a problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #he talks to heechul about it and hes grumpy bc heechul is just as smug as he thought he would be  
> #but heechul also heavily cautions him against falling in love in band  
> #'''''bc look at me im a fucking emotional depressed bitter wreck''''  
> #taem: ur a wreck???? i voted jonghyun for best dad bc he asked me to and then he literally voted me as worst dad and im still up his ass  
> #heechul: rip in pieces kiddo  
> #anyway taems brain is just chillin in that queer confusion aesthetic  
> #do i like this boy bc im attracted to him or bc hes just a rly cool dude???  
> #do i wanna date this boy or just hang out with him???  
> #im not feeling v romantic but google says i am so ???? i must be  
> #also taemin got voted worst dad in that ep nd im still v v v bitter about it bc he was such a good dad!!!!  
> #he did so much research!!!! nd brought so many things to help yoogeun learn!!!! nd he cared so much!!!  
> #about that lil nugget!!!  
> #but he even voted himself !!!!!!! as worst dad!!!!  
> #recognize taems efforts nd let him lov himself 2k10!!!!!!!!  
> #w0w 2k10 feels weird to say  
> #it sounds wrong without a teen


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Okay, I got my perfume,” Jonghyun announces. He continues tapping the spray snow around his wrists and looks around expectantly. “Who wants to kiss me?”  
> [tumblr](http://katrinawritesthings.tumblr.com/post/170156921738/jonghyuntaemin-growing-up-part-33-pg)

**Episode Nine  
** Taemin is dealing with this whole crush thing better than he expected.

Like, he’s honestly kind of proud of himself for how he’s handling this. He doesn’t go out of his way to talk to Jonghyun, but doesn’t completely avoid him either. When Jonghyun tells him to do things he takes his time like he wouldn’t do whatever he asked in a heartbeat. When they do another affection test and Jonghyun winds up in first and he in second, he sits so close to Jonghyun that their sides press together but he keeps his arms wrapped firmly around his little stuffed animal pal. When Kibum is last to be picked and Jonghyun moves the last stuffed animal out of Yoogeun’s tiny reach, Taemin even mildly disapproves for a moment before he’s giggling at Jonghyun’s playfulness.

He’s doing good, very good, at managing his crush and not making it too obvious or dying on the inside every time Jonghyun so much as looks at him. The longer he spends knowing about it and dealing with it the better he gets. It’s a very comforting feeling, knowing that he has this under control. He feels like he might even get over the whole thing at some point soon. He’s fine. Things are going fine.

And then they’re at the mall and they wind up on a team together.

It’s a weird fucking feeling, to be bitter and also elated about something at the same time, but that’s the only way that Taemin can describe his emotions about this. When he pressed his shoulder up against Jonghyun’s before they went inside, that was his last controlled attempt at contact for the rest of this trip. Now they’re supposed to wander around the mall together for like half an hour and he’s supposed to just be okay with that and not melt or anything. Fuck.

At least he’s getting his wish from the other week, kind of. He’s is dying on the inside but at least he’s having a good time while it happens. The cameras aren’t exactly ideal but besides that, he was right–it’s just fun to hang out with Jonghyun and shop. He’s so touchy, so jokey, so endearing in his tiny movements and breathy laughs. Every time he tugs on Taemin’s wrist or laughs at his own jokes Taemin can physically feel himself falling harder and harder.

Eventually, they’ve picked out and bought a whole nice little outfit for Yoogeun, accessories included, and have one whole dollar left to get ice cream with. That’s a whole production on it’s own, but they’re finally given a tiny container and two spoons. Jonghyun slings his arm around Taemin’s shoulders in victory and Taemin closes his eyes, heart so full and warm it feels like it might burst out of his chest.

He’s going to have to confront this and figure it out at some point, but for now, he enjoys Jonghyun’s weight and warmth pressed against him, Jonghyun’s proud voice so close and soft by his ear.

 

**Episode Ten  
** Taemin really wishes the others hadn’t spoiled Yoogeun with a billion kissies earlier. Now the little booger expects them from everyone, including him, even when he isn’t feeling like it. He doesn’t want kissies. He just wants to zone out and daydream about holding Jonghyun’s hand and napping on his shoulder, because if he’s going to have this crush he’s at least going to get some enjoyment out of it. He’s cold and tired on this train to nowhere today and he doesn’t feel like getting spitty baby lip germs on him.

They should teach Yoogeun about that, honestly. About not having to show physical affection to people you love just because you love each other or whatever. That’s a good lesson.

“Taemin is refusing him,” Kibum says, fond amusement in his voice. Taemin smiles in spite of his grumpy mood, mostly for the cameras but partly because this is kind of funny, yeah. He lens way way way back, almost all the way back into one of their staff, to avoid Yoogeun’s kiss.

“Taemin wants to have his first kiss with a girl,” Jonghyun grins.

“Yeah,” Taemin says immediately, grinning back at him as he straightens up and readjusts Yoogeun in his arms. Kibum takes him easily without asking, leaving Taemin to lean up against the door of the train and latch further onto Jonghyun’s save. “I wanna have my first kiss with a girl.”

At that, everyone looks at him, judging, and Taemin feels heat creeping into his face. Heck. They think he’s lying.

“I haven’t done it yet,” he insists, “really,” but of course, no one fucking believes him, which is honestly wild, in his opinion. He doesn’t know what the other four have been doing where they’ve been getting some choice lip action, but he’s been busy being an idol and studying for class and sleeping and shit.

Though, when he thinks about it later, during a lull of the train ride, he was still technically lying, but not because he’s had his first kiss already. He tries not to think about it, because it’s still a very distressing line of thought, but watching Jonghyun come back into the train, blushy and grinning from the embarrassment of his latest challenge, he has to admit it himself. He doesn’t want to have his first kiss with a girl.

He wants to have his first kiss with Jonghyun.

And he decides, as they’re all walking sleepily down the road to their vacation house, that he’s going to do it.

 

**Episode Eleven  
** For someone that just spent the last few weeks desperate for things to do to take his mind off of Jonghyun, Taemin fucking hates that they’re always doing something on this mini vacation.

Like it wasn’t terrifying enough that he’s accepted his crush, and that he’s decided to try to do something about it–now he has to fucking sit here and do a bunch of “fun bonding activities” one after the other and he has to do all of it with that anxiety looming over him the entire time.

He’s having fun, yeah, and this is actually really nice and fun bonding time, but, like, still. He’s bitter and dying inside. Yesterday was bad enough, with the tiring journey up here, the getting settled, the walk by the river, and all of the nonsense and games that went with dinner.

That was fine, he guesses, besides the crushing pressure of an unrequited crush hanging heavily over his head and no one else’s the entire time. This morning was fucking garbage–he never wants to hear another kids song again and it’s gonna be months at least before he can enjoy a morning boner without linking it to that challenge–and now, as they’re all messing around with yet another affection test, he’s so tense and wound up so tight he thinks he might explode soon.

Jonghyun actually followed him earlier, jogged halfway down the hallway to the bathroom with him to giggle about how he lost the challenge and be an obnoxious little goober. Taemin keeps replaying that moment in his head. It was just a few seconds, really, and he knows it wouldn’t have been enough time to grab Jonghyun and explain about his crush and talk everything through, but his brain just keeps trying to tell him that he should have done it. It was probably the only fucking shot he had to get it done and over with and he blew it.

And now he’s here, watching everyone trying to gain validation from the whims of a child, and being grateful that at least he still cares enough about this to be mildly disappointed when Yoogeun picks Kibum instead of him. Like, at least he’s not completely obsessed with Jonghyun. That’s good.

Then Jonghyun grabs his hand.

“I wanna do it with Taemin,” he says, standing up from where he’d been watching on the floor.

And that’s not even anything romantic either; it’s just Jonghyun being bitter about losing and wanting another chance to not be last. Taemin still follows easily, holds Jonghyun’s hand until he lets go, sits just close enough that he can touch his foot against Jonghyun’s, and melts on the inside. Crushes are fucking wild.

Yoogeun picks Jonghyun, which was honestly a fifty-fifty shot, so Taemin isn’t too bummed about that. What he is bummed about is that when Jonghyun picks Yoogeun up and makes little kissie noises at him, Taemin finds himself feeling legitimately jealous of a four year old.

This vacation can’t be over soon enough.

 

**Episode Twelve  
** The soft, warm, genuine, loving smile that graces Jonghyun’s lips when he peeps in and finds their surprise party is the loveliest thing Taemin has ever seen in his entire life.

Like, yeah, Jonghyun is a loud obnoxious toe sometimes, but other times he really can’t hide that he cares about them all and has soft, fond, loving emotions in his heart about them. Taemin spends most of the party melty and floaty, taking every chance to touch or talk or be with him that he can, from holding his arms behind his back for birthday punches to just sitting next to him and watching him accept his presents.

“Okay, I got my perfume,” Jonghyun announces. He continues tapping the spray snow around his wrists and looks around expectantly. “Who wants to kiss me?”

And at that moment, in that heavy second between Jonghyun saying that and Minho calling for Yoogeun, Taemin comes so close to volunteering, so close to admitting that he wants to kiss Jonghyun to everyone, so close to revealing way more about himself than he ever should to a room full of cameras, that he snaps out of his enamored bubble and issues a direct order to his own brain to talk to Jonghyun about his crush and to do it as soon as humanly possible.

Which is how, after filming wraps at the house for the final time and the other three go home or to other schedules and Jonghyun stays behind with Taemin to help the camera crew clean, Taemin finds himself tugging Jonghyun behind the big folding screen with a quiet, “Hey, um, can I–can we–come take a break with me?”

“Oh, yeah, sure,” Jonghyun says. He twists his wrist in Taemin’s hand so they can hold hands instead, friendly and platonic, which is extremely distressing and should probably stop immediately.

Taemin squeezes his hand gently and slips in between all of the junk thrown between the screen and the wall so he can sit with his back to the wood. Jonghyun sits next to him, pulling his knees up to his chest and taking his hand away from Taemin’s to wrap around them. Taemin, hand still all warm and tingly, fiddles awkwardly with his fingers in his lap. Their sides are pressed together warm and solid and Taemin is half frozen just from debating with himself over whether or not he should move. It’s so nice.

“Sleepy?” Jonghyun asks him quietly. Taemin glances at him, shrugs, nods.

“Yeah,” he mumbles. When is he not sleepy, honestly.  _Thanks for caring about me, my heart just melted_ , he doesn’t say. Jonghyun hums in agreement and leans his head on Taemin’s shoulder.

“Thanks for the birthday party,” he mumbles. Taemin isn’t looking, because he feels like if he looks his heart will stop, but he can still hear the tiniest, softest smile in Jonghyun’s voice. “I really love you guys,” he sighs, and hooooly shit. When Jonghyun is quiet, when he’s off camera, when he’s casual and sleepy, when he’s _himself,_  he’s so open and warm and genuine. Just like when he first saw his party. Taemin clenches his fists in his lap and takes a deep breath and talks without even really processing what words are coming out of his mouth.

“Jonghyun I’ve been meaning to tell you something for like a month and I don’t know how to say it cleverly without being really weird and awkward so I’m just going to say it right now really fast,” he says, really fast, and then he stops, because he can’t say it. Fuck.

He can feel Jonghyun’s confused pause before he sits up straight and leans forward a little, twisting so he can look at Taemin better. His brows are furrowed in concern, one hand reaching out to touch Taemin’s knee.

“Are you okay?’ he asks. “Did you get in trouble? Did someone hurt you? Was it–” his eyes narrow. “Was it you that put the mangas back in unalphabetical order? Have you been reading them without us? You know that’s like, band bonding time.” He moves his hand up to squish Taemin’s thigh grumpily. Taemin was halfway to scrunching his nose guiltily–because yeah, actually, that was him–but now he just sucks in a sharp breath. He can’t deal with this. He can’t deal with Jonghyun, with his worry and concern, with his eagerness to spend time with them, with his warm hand, with his soft, plush, pretty, pink lips.

He needs to just get this done and over with. He wants to go back to being stressed about normal things, like bugs and being famous. Jonghyun leans a little closer to try to peep into his eyes and Taemin takes another big breath.

“I’ve had a crush on you,” he says, “for like, two months? And I’ve been trying to figure it out and get over it by myself but I can’t because I just. Keep thinking about you and wanting to snuggle you or whatever and I keep wondering what it would be like and I just–I want you to–can you make out with me for a little bit?”

The question comes out by accident, but as he says it he doesn’t try to stop it. He thinks that would help, yeah. There’s a long, heavy silence as Jonghyun stares blankly at him. His hand doesn’t move from Taemin’s leg.

“What?” he asks, and Taemin scrunches his face. God. Fuck. What the fuck is wrong with him. “Taemin…,” Jonghyun says, lifts his hand to rub the side of his head. He looks away, looks up, looks back to Taemin with a little frown. Taemin doesn’t want to think of what he’s going to say, but he does anyway–”what the fuck,” “are you gay,” “that’s gross,” “you’ve ruined our friendship forever and we can never be alone together again–”

“You’re, like, sixteen,” Jonghyun says.

“I–oh,” Taemin says. He. Oh. That’s not what he was expecting. Now he knows even less what to say. Like, he never prepared any anti homophobic comebacks anyway, but now he’s just confused. Jonghyun’s only hangup is an age thing? Oh. “I know that,” he says blankly. “I just.” He just. He sighs and rubs his palms into eyes.

“I don’t want you to fuck me, or anything,” he says. Whatever he’s been feeling romantically, there’s been no sexul attraction, which is honestly a blessing. He can’t imagine having to go through all of this bullshit with a boner the whole time as well. “Just….” He looks up and flops his hand out to pap Jonghyun’s knee. “Just, kiss me, for a little bit, just so I know what it’s like and so I can, you know, get over it. Hopefully.” He wiggles Jonghyun’s knee pleadingly, the realizes how that must look with his newly admitted crush, and then moves to take it away self-consciously. Jonghyun grabs his hand to stop him and pats it softly.

“I know that was a platonic touch, it’s fine,” he mumbles. Taemin looks at his hand and rubs his thumb over Jonghyun’s knee in a way that’s only slightly less platonic. Jonghyun stays quiet, staring at the floor and nibbling on his thumbnail. Taemin bites his lip as he waits and tries not to overthink Jonghyun’s response. He’s already a little dizzy from his nerves. He doesn’t need to make it worse.

His attempts don’t really work and instead he closes his eyes and tries to breathe deeply and tell himself over and over that Jonghyun doesn’t suddenly hate him forever. He’ll probably only hate him for, like, a year, at most. Until they start a new comeback and he has too much stuff to do to be busy with being mad at Taemin for liking him or whatever. Maybe. Probably. Fuck. Maybe Taemin should just tell him he was jok–

“Just kiss?” Jonghyun asks him suddenly. Taemin blinks out of his thoughts, then blinks more because everything is kind of blurry. When he focuses again Jonghyun is looking at him with his thumb rubbing slowly over his own lip. Taemin tries really hard not to stare and doesn’t succeed.

“Um,” he says. “Yeah. Maybe, uh, also.” He creeps his hand forward, slides it up Jonghyun’s leg until he can catch his hand again and hold it loosely. Jonghyun snorts, chuckles fondly, laces their fingers together and squeezes his hand. “Uh, fuck,” Taemin mumbles. That is. Nice.

“For how long?” Jonghyun asks him. Taemin blinks more at that, but this time in confusion. Uh. He doesn’t. Know.

“Uh. I don’t. Know?” he says. “How long… is the average makeout?”

“I mean,” Jonghyun says, and a little smirk curves up his lips. “For me, a while,” he grins. Taemin rolls his eyes. He doesn’t care about Jonghyun’s frequent lip-touching endeavors. “But, for us,” Jonghyun hums. “I guess, a few minutes, tops.” He shrugs; Taemin swallows hard, heart rate suddenly picking up in his chest.

“So, you’re saying, yes?” he says. His voice comes out a little broken, which is humiliating, but Jonghyun smiles simply and nods anyway.

“If it’ll help you destress, yeah,” he says. “You’re sure it’s not gonna tip you even deeper and make you wanna be, like, my boyfriend or anything, right? Because, I mean. You’re a child, and also, you know I’m. Trying to. Get with.” He trails off, waving a hand in circles and blushing a faint pink. Taemin snorts. His giant crush on Sekyung, Taemin knows. He won’t shut up about her ever. It’s adorably obnoxious, just like everything else about him.

“I’m pretty sure,” he says. He doesn’t have any experience with humans or anything but usually once he finally does something he’s been thinking about, he stops thinking about it. He doesn’t see why making out with a crush would be any different from the norm. If it does heck him up more then at least he won’t have any doubt over whether or not Jonghyun will actually consider it and that hard no will help him get over it by himself.

“Alright then,” Jonghyun shrugs. He gets to his knees in front of Taemin, leans forward, lifts his free hand to gently cup Taemin’s face. Taemin blinks very quickly, shudders out a heavy breath, stares at Jonghyun suddenly so warm and so close. Fuck. His lips look so soft. “You know how to kiss, right?” Jonghyun asks him quietly. Taemin scrunches his nose. He does not.

“No, I  _told_  you guys I haven’t done it yet on the train,” he mumbles, feeling heat creep into his cheeks. It’s not his fault if they didn’t believe him. Jonghyun looks blankly a him for a moment, then closes his eyes and sighs and shakes his head.

“God, that’s such a burden,” he mutters. “Your first kiss, now I gotta try extra hard to make it good, fuck.”

“Sorry?” Taemin offers, but Jonghyun shakes his head again.

“No, it’s fine, I wasn’t, like, experience shaming you or anything,” he says. Taemin snorts. Experience shaming. Well, good. He didn’t really mean his apology anyway. “Just,” Jonghyun says, and the thumb on Taemin’s jaw lifts to press against his bottom lip in a gentle tap that makes Taemin squeeze his hand hard. “My lip, then your lip, then my lip, then your lip,” he says. “Like a sandwich. Don’t pucker too much. Open your mouth a little but not a lot. Tilt your head to the left. Go slow. Just let me lead, okay?” He nods, expecting Taemin to nod back; Taemin blinks and takes a moment to absorb that round of rapid-fire kiss tips. He didn’t expect that, but he thinks he’s got it.

“Uh, okay,” he says.

“Okay,” Jonghyun smiles, and he leans forward and kisses Taemin.

Taemin blinks again because he wasn’t expecting that so suddenly either, but then he closes his eyes and tries to relax into it.

It proves to be surprisingly easy; Jonghyun’s skin is warm, his hands are steady, and most importantly, his mouth is soft and comfortable. Their lips fit together easily as Jonghyun kisses him again and again, all soft, slow, warm pecks and smooth slides.

It’s wetter than Taemin was expecting, but he doesn’t find it to be a bad thing. Every so often Jonghyun nibbles or sucks on his bottom lip, which makes him shiver. Jonghyun’s hand on his jaw slips around to the back of his head, angling him better into it, and he lets Taemin squeeze his hand as much as he wants. Taemin’s other hand taps eagerly on Jonghyun’s knee.

He wants to slide his hand up Jonghyun’s leg and to his waist, to pull Jonghyun in his lap so their bodies can press together and so he can wrap his arms around Jonghyun and hold him close for comfort. He wants to, but he doesn’t, because he feels like trying to push it to that point of intimacy would make Jonghyun cut their time short.

Though, honestly, as the kiss goes on, he doesn’t think he would mind cutting it short. It’s not that he doesn’t like it, but it’s just… not as big a deal as he thought it would be. He was expecting fireworks and rushing emotions and butterflies, not easy company and soft relaxation. He was expecting to feel closer and more in love with Jonghyun than ever before, not the same kind of platonic comfort that he gets when they hug or sleep snuggled together.

He feels like he’s been misled about kissing by all of the lovey dovey shit in the media. This isn’t exhilarating. It’s just nice. If this is what dating someone is like, what being in love is like, then he doesn’t really see how it’s different from just being close to your friends. Honestly, holding Jonghyun’s hand got him more fluttery than their lips touching, and he can do that without being romantic with him.

This kiss is going to come to a close soon, he thinks. He’s not entirely sure how much time has passed, but he’s gotten a knack for determining how long a few minutes feels from all of the songs he’s performed in his life. Jonghyun will probably be pulling away right… about….

“Mwah,” Jonghyun says cutely as he breaks off their kiss. Taemin exhales softly, amused at himself for predicting that so well, and blinks open his eyes. Jonghyun is sitting back on his heels and smiling at him pleasantly. His free hand finds Taemin’s on his knee so he can hold both and tap his fingers over Taemin’s knuckles. Taemin smiles fondly at their hands, rubs his thumbs over Jonghyun’s skin. That is still nice.

“So how was it?” Jonghyun asks. His voice is smooth, confident, proud of himself; one eyebrow is arched up expectantly and his mouth is curved up into a cocky little smirk. Taemin licks his lips, nibbles his bottom one, and shrugs.

“It was nice,” he says honestly. “Thanks.” He squeezes Jonghyun’s hands gratefully and makes to stand up. Their disappearance will probably get noticed soon and he doesn’t feel like coming up with a lie to give the staff about it.

“I–nice?” Jonghyun asks. He frowns up at Taemin like he was expecting more than that. Taemin just nods, tugging him gently to his feet.

“Yeah,” he says. “I know what it’s like now.” That’s all he wanted and it’s what he got. He’s happy with that. He should be able to sort himself out now. He shrugs again and reaches up to fix Jonghyun’s bangs out of his eyes. “Come on,” he says, and tugs Jonghyun back out from the screen. Jonghyun follows, pouting and shuffling his feet on the floor. Taemin drops his hand when they go back to the room with all of the people and stretches his arms over his head. He feels better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #paps taem hes just ??? a simple bub tryin to figure shit out and now he can   
> #jong: spends the next month super pouty nd grumbly   
> #honestly jonghyuns smile when he saw his surprise part was.... sweet.... gentle.... wholesome... loving... soft.... gay....   
> #he was rly gay that whole party   
> #and pouty and grabby for attention and praise   
> #a Young Budding Little   
> #tiny   
> #im lov him   
> #also during that party kibum started talking and taem just made a scrunchy face and thats also v important


	4. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Remember when,” Jonghyun says quietly, “you had a crush on me?”
> 
> Taemin pauses in unzipping his pants. He looks up at Jonghyun and frowns in confusion.
> 
> “Uh, no?” he says.  
> [tumblr](http://katrinawritesthings.tumblr.com/post/170424120573/jonghyuntaemin-growing-up-epilogue-pg)

[Shinee World 2016, Kobe Day 3](https://youtu.be/tBM9P6VwDcA?t=338) **  
**

Taemin feels Jonghyun pressing up against his side before they even all lift their thumbs up to the crowd. He smiles to himself at the warmth. He’s so clingy lately. It’s cute. When they all lift their arms he feels Jonghyun’s nose against his neck, sniffing his hair. They all turn to pose for the whole arena and Jonghyun leans back, but when they turn again Taemin feels another sniff. Of course.

After the concert, after the afterparty, after they all slump out of the van and into their hotel rooms to collapse into bed, Jonghyun takes the spot in a double bed next to Taemin and drapes himself luxuriously over the covers.

He closes his eyes, stretches his arms over his head, hums quietly, almost squeaks, yawns, and finishes by lazily blinking his eyes open at Taemin.

“Hi,” he smiles. Taemin chuckles fondly as he sucks his arms into his shirt to take it off. He’s cute.

“Hi,” he says back, throwing his shirt in the general area of his bag. Minho would normally frown at him for that but Minho is shuffling down to the little hotel café with Kibum and Jinki right now, so Taemin doesn’t care. “That was a good show,” he says. He’s sleepy but happy and proud. He really liked that one and they all did well. Jonghyun nods, rolling to his stomach on the bed. He smiles at Taemin from the bed of his arms.

“Remember when,” he says quietly, “you had a crush on me?”

Taemin pauses in unzipping his pants. He looks up at Jonghyun and frowns in confusion.

“Uh, no?” he says. What the fuck. He never had a crush on Jonghyun. Jonghyun frowns back, looking just as confused and even more upset and pouty. He props himself up on his elbows.

“Uh, yes?” he says. “During Ring Ding Dong? You were, like, tortured over my irresistible charm for months? You confessed to me on the Hello Baby set? On my birthday? I was your  _first kiss?”_

“OH,” Taemin says loudly. “Oh, oh, oh, fuck, yeah, okay, I remember.” He smothers a giggle into his hand as he goes back to taking off his pants. Fuck, yeah, he remembers that now. The internal conflict, the confused queer realization, the compulsory ronormativity, the inability to identify a platonic squish and physical intimacy cravings. Wild. “That was so long ago, what the fuck,” he mutters. “I still thought I was ro and everything.” What the fuck. He’s so glad that he’s figured all of his shit out since then and knows what he knows now.

He does remember the kiss being nice, though, just like all of the friend makeouts and sex they’ve had since Jonghyun caught up to the rest of the band in dropping hypermasculinity and cisheteronormativity.

Jonghyun doesn’t reply to him for a few moments, so Taemin glances up as he steps out of his pants to see him still on his stomach on the bed. His cheek is smushed against his arm now and he’s pouting even more, eyebrows scrunched in a little furrow. Taemin snorts. Of course he’s grumpy that Taemin didn’t remember immediately. Especially with how gay Jonghyun has been for him lately. He lifts the bedcovers and wiggles himself in, stretching out comfortably before rolling to his side and propping himself up on his elbow.

“Why?” he asks. “Do you wanna tell me about the crush you have on me now?”

That Jonghyun looks up at, eyes big and guilty.

“How’d you know?” he whines. Taemin just looks at him for a moment as a flood of little memories and moments come to his mind without even trying. Jonghyun sniffing him constantly to ground himself during concerts, during interviews, at the airport. Jonghyun clinging to him and pressing up close for warmth and comfort. Jonghyun talking on and on on Blue Night about how nice love is. View. Already.  _Cocktail._

“Are you serious?” he asks.

Jonghyun huffs and rolls away, away from Taemin, and then rolls immediately back to give him his sternest grumpy frown. It just looks cute and pouty and Taemin giggles and reaches up to flop his arm over Jonghyun’s waist.

“I thought you knew I knew,” he grins. “I thought you just didn't bring it up because we’re all basically in one big QPR anyway.” Like, he thought that was common knowledge between the five of them since, like, Everybody. Or View, at the very least.

“Okay, I mean, yeah, but, like.” Jonghyun huffs, curling up small under the covers and wiggling down so just his eyes peep out at Taemin. “You ruined my confession,” he pouts. Taemin chuckles softly and wiggles down under the covers so he can be level with Jonghyun.

“My bad?” he offers. “Wanna make out?” he asks. “In a way that can be as ro as you want?” He wiggles a tiny bit closer and like usual, Jonghyun perks up immediately at the promise of attention and validation.

“Okay,” he smiles, and tugs Taemin forward to kiss.

Later, when he has Jonghyun in his lap with his arms warm around his waist, he breaks their kiss for a moment to giggle about something that just occurred to him. Jonghyun wiggles and pouts, papping little hands on his back with a confused noise. Taemin shakes his hair out of his eyes as he looks up.

“Remember that time on the train?” he says. “When you said I wanted to have my first kiss with a girl, and in my head, I was like, ‘no, I wanna have it with Jonghyun’?” He coils his arms a little tighter around Jonghyun’s waist. “Because, technically, you were right,” he says. “It just took you longer to figure that part of you out.”

“Oh my god,” Jonghyun says, and now he’s giggling too. He leans his forehead on Taemin’s shoulders as his own shoulders shake with his laughter. “The closet is wild,” he mumbles.

“Tell me about it,” Taemin mumbles back. Their younger selves were in some deep shit.

As Jonghyun kisses his neck gently and then straightens back up to kiss his mouth, Taemin keeps thinking about his confused younger self. He doesn’t think he would believe himself if he went back in time and told himself then about what it’s like with Jonghyun now. If he’d known back then that one day he’d be able to love Jonghyun and have Jonghyun love him back, and how easy it would be, he wouldn’t have been nearly as stressed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #theyre : ) all growed up and Big Gays that have all of their shit figured out  
> #and its so v Freeing and Fun and Nice  
> #taems big aro enby ass nd jongs big pan aroflux bigender ass  
> #the other three also bein big queers  
> #blessie uppie theyre all v much happier with themselves  
> #they tell onminkey later bc its Funny and gwis just like  
> #u had ur first kiss on the hello baby set wtf thats such a garbage place for a first kiss  
> #taem: >:/ oh yeah where was Urs then  
> #gwi: .......................... what is this twenty questions fuck u  
> #jinki: new zealand at the barn behind a hay bale  
> #gwi: who!!!!!!! asked u  
> #jinki: : )  
> #jong: thats so romantic tho omg : (  
> #gwi: blushies

**Author's Note:**

> #listen this has been a thing for like a year and a half and i Finally finished it  
> #i have a doc where i just list all of the jongtae moments in things bc im a Big Nerd and i was doing it for hello baby  
> #and my brain was like hey......  
> #and i was like shit......  
> #and now here we are  
> #jonghyun was.... such a big toe.... before he dropped hypermasculinity and learned how to be a soft and Not Gremliny little


End file.
